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My Mind, Your Experience!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Name Game
So… I was arguing with my “future” on the phone today, and I ACCIDENTLY referred him by the name of someone in my past. Immanuel. Now to be Frank, (maybe I shouldn’t be adding anymore names to this tale!) the two of them have no more in common than apples and oranges, or rather Me and Heidi Klum. Unless… you consider the fact that she loves black men, but that’s a whole other conversation, and I’d hate to lose ALL of my black male readers here in the Great Interracial Super Highway of Minnesota.
As I was saying… Apples and Oranges. Now I’m sure some of us have had our dealings with the Name Game before, but most of those instances you’d probably expect. I’ve played my role in a Love Triangle in the past, but when I was shouting out incorrect names, I was in a position to convince a fool that, “ It’s not what I’m saying baby, it’s what I’m doing that you need to pay attention to!” (Like you haven’t made that mistake before.)
3 years later, a mistake like this comes as a surprise considering that HIS chapter was closed years ago, but apparently I never put down the book. For those of you who witnessed the “Love Jones” disaster, I don’t need to elaborate or give strength to an already dead situation. But if you weren’t around, and you need to satisfy your curiosity for the sake of this tale, I’ll just say it was like living in the LA Riots; my heart was the city, and his actions were laced with kerosene.
I never thought I’d see the day that I’d give ownership to a "conclusion". So I guess this just means its time to realize that my story has only just begun. My advice to everyone, leave the past in the past.
… just something to think about.
© A. L. Lewis
As I was saying… Apples and Oranges. Now I’m sure some of us have had our dealings with the Name Game before, but most of those instances you’d probably expect. I’ve played my role in a Love Triangle in the past, but when I was shouting out incorrect names, I was in a position to convince a fool that, “ It’s not what I’m saying baby, it’s what I’m doing that you need to pay attention to!” (Like you haven’t made that mistake before.)
3 years later, a mistake like this comes as a surprise considering that HIS chapter was closed years ago, but apparently I never put down the book. For those of you who witnessed the “Love Jones” disaster, I don’t need to elaborate or give strength to an already dead situation. But if you weren’t around, and you need to satisfy your curiosity for the sake of this tale, I’ll just say it was like living in the LA Riots; my heart was the city, and his actions were laced with kerosene.
I never thought I’d see the day that I’d give ownership to a "conclusion". So I guess this just means its time to realize that my story has only just begun. My advice to everyone, leave the past in the past.
… just something to think about.
© A. L. Lewis
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Standard
It took a lot of careful thought, and after I rehearsed the possible after effects, I think I’m ready to make the biggest mistake of my life. People nowadays usually don’t remember you for the good you’ve done, but rather happily remind you of your “fall from grace”. Unforgettable. So I’ve decided… In order to make my mark and claim victory over the shadows, I have to leave my moral weapon on the shelf and substitute the promise of absolution for a regret that will get me through the halls of THIS worlds corridors.
Why not, Everybody’s doing it!?
I look around. A lot of the people who HAVE, and the people who ARE, are people who’ve lost the solidity in their moral foundation. How many people REALLY even care about what I’m saying? You can’t build a real house on SAND, but most of us don’t have the patience to do the SOLID groundwork it takes to become a true individual masterpiece. Wouldn’t you rather be a shack atop an iron plate in the desert, then be a beach front terrace resting on momentarily calm waters ‘til earths turbulence gives the guarantee of who’s REALLY the master rather than just the masterpiece? I would.
True riches are not determined by sizeable bank accounts, assets, and vast associations; rather, by being a one of a kind pearl in a world full of identical gems. It seems like you meet one brotha, you’ve met them all. I’m sure men could say the same about us. Yet no one pays mind to the ones you don’t OBVIOUSLY see. I’m referring to the ones who’s stellar character is their mark, rather than the folks who enjoy making headlines for successfully fitting their negative stereotype. Yet the ones who make the most “noise” enjoy the tangible effects of living life in FM stereo, while the others take their place in the static of AM. Lost due to bad reception.
Shit! It makes you want to cross over and be apart of the hypocrisy in order to fit in to the status quo. So many people have fallen victim to the world of today, that they’ve forgotten the struggles forgone our people of yesteryear. Would many of us have these opportunities, had we not been afforded them through the fight for liberty? Yes, we’re all free to do as we choose, but why do so many of us choose do the things that come so freely or rather EASY?
Sex, drugs, drinking, etc, seems to breed more opportunity than abstaining to obtain a solid experience. Men nowadays consider our importance to them in their schedule and their roladex, by the things we can do to satisfy them rather than the sincerity of our hearts. Easy. Please don’t forget that hard work garnered us a position of appreciation, yet none of us want to work hard to maintain proper “salvation”.
You don’t have to wear “the cross” right next to your heart, to understand the error in your decisions. Then there are those who understand, yet truly don’t care to pay attention. A lot of people will read this blog and think, “She needs to SHUT the F- Up and get laid already!”. That might very well be true, but the point I’m trying to make for my friends and myself, is we are all at a point of choosing and are no longer undecided. Do you follow? I’m just hoping LESS of ME will deliver more genuine possessions to me, because I’m tired of the compromise.
Yes, I too, am guilty of “falling”, but I try to surround myself with people who extend a hand to help me up. I sin, often, and can guarantee I will sin again. I’m not a square, or a “lame” or “born-again-perfectionist”, I’m just a woman waiting, that KNOWS she deserves more. You see, I’ve arrived! I want the spoils of life; a husband, success, and a family. So I ask you this, why do I have to forget my morals in order to be remembered by you?
Yes, I know, it's all just AM Static.
© A. L. Lewis
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I Wonder if He Knows...
Swaying in the wind like a pendulum, my thoughts rock left to right. Controlled by the desires within my heart, and influenced by a gravitational will, he pulls me…
~ I CLOSE MY EYES ~
Spinning Dwele tracks, I’d hate to “wake the baby”. Sipping cheap wine, but rich in desire. Fulfilling that hunger, as he nibbled on my thighs. His hands like vines around the circumference of my bosom, my body like a compass, directing him south. Touch me.
I hate to just lye back, but I remember way back, yet I wonder if he knows.
DEEP in concentration, who gives a damn about conversation. There is no LOOSE interpretation, this is a language even I don’t know. At one point I lost my diction, and needed him to TEACH me a LESSON. I was rising and falling to the HEAD of the class so to show my appreciation, I let him bite my apple. Sweet.
Yet I wonder if he knows…
The breathing got steady, and his muscles became tense. He was like a hurricane; blowing through my body and washing away these sugar walls. My turn. He nibbled on my subconscious as he searched for G. When my mind caught up to the thrusts it gave my body the signal to release. YES! I fell back in satisfaction, and looked at him with disbelief. Just like I imagined. I reached over to take a puff of his cigarette, and exhaled as the sensation escaped my body. After the greatest 4 minutes of my life had passed (you gotta love it!), I leaned over and gave him a signal; it was time for round 2.
"Spinning Dwele tracks"… yet I wonder if he knows.
~WAKE~
Hoping to chase my fantasy off the pages of my internal slideshow, I keep running my mental script. If virtual reality is the alternative to real opportunity, then don’t wake me from my slumber till my dreams deliver me a promise. I want you.
© A. L. Lewis
~ I CLOSE MY EYES ~
Spinning Dwele tracks, I’d hate to “wake the baby”. Sipping cheap wine, but rich in desire. Fulfilling that hunger, as he nibbled on my thighs. His hands like vines around the circumference of my bosom, my body like a compass, directing him south. Touch me.
I hate to just lye back, but I remember way back, yet I wonder if he knows.
DEEP in concentration, who gives a damn about conversation. There is no LOOSE interpretation, this is a language even I don’t know. At one point I lost my diction, and needed him to TEACH me a LESSON. I was rising and falling to the HEAD of the class so to show my appreciation, I let him bite my apple. Sweet.
Yet I wonder if he knows…
The breathing got steady, and his muscles became tense. He was like a hurricane; blowing through my body and washing away these sugar walls. My turn. He nibbled on my subconscious as he searched for G. When my mind caught up to the thrusts it gave my body the signal to release. YES! I fell back in satisfaction, and looked at him with disbelief. Just like I imagined. I reached over to take a puff of his cigarette, and exhaled as the sensation escaped my body. After the greatest 4 minutes of my life had passed (you gotta love it!), I leaned over and gave him a signal; it was time for round 2.
"Spinning Dwele tracks"… yet I wonder if he knows.
~WAKE~
Hoping to chase my fantasy off the pages of my internal slideshow, I keep running my mental script. If virtual reality is the alternative to real opportunity, then don’t wake me from my slumber till my dreams deliver me a promise. I want you.
© A. L. Lewis
Monday, September 22, 2008
All Gods Children Have a Place. . .
... And like a symphony we made music; yet our harmony could not progress to a simultaneous beat. We were creating sheet music blindfolded; scripting “flat notes” and “short cords”, designing rhythms that lacked course. It was a Sonic Catastrophe. Both one for the music, yet not embracing the same melody; present in the same choir, but standing on different sides of the Alter. I could hear the clash, but we let the track keep skipping. I raised my ear to clinch the notes; we weren’t even singing the same song.
Hearing the problem, but not seeing it to a resolve, recognizing its interruption, yet replaying the same loop. We all make our own music, but no one buys a bad record. So why embrace a song, that clashes with your own rhythm. CHANGE. We all have a place, and my heart is my choir. We all have a melody and mine flows to the sweetest beat.
“I sing because”… I’m happy to be me. I have captured my independence and I am officially embracing me. A virtuous, beautiful, voluptuous Black Queen. Satisfied. Certified with my intelligence, qualified to be choosy. I’ve customized my own personal interpretation, and am free from the damage of unwanted observation. I’ll maintain my standard, to obtain the “perfect pitch”.
“I sing because”… I’m free. No longer are the days when my decisions are orchestrated from the will of another Counterfeit Conductor. Some men want to hold the baton, but lack the melody to create music. If I have to hold the instrument, and interpret the notes on my own, than I’ll take the stand to perform my solo until a worthy partner proclaims a duet.
… We all have a place, but NOT EVERYONE BELONGS in YOUR choir. We all have a song, but do you have the patience to wait for “Perfect Harmony”?
We all have a place… My life. My Choir.
© A. L. Lewis
Hearing the problem, but not seeing it to a resolve, recognizing its interruption, yet replaying the same loop. We all make our own music, but no one buys a bad record. So why embrace a song, that clashes with your own rhythm. CHANGE. We all have a place, and my heart is my choir. We all have a melody and mine flows to the sweetest beat.
“I sing because”… I’m happy to be me. I have captured my independence and I am officially embracing me. A virtuous, beautiful, voluptuous Black Queen. Satisfied. Certified with my intelligence, qualified to be choosy. I’ve customized my own personal interpretation, and am free from the damage of unwanted observation. I’ll maintain my standard, to obtain the “perfect pitch”.
“I sing because”… I’m free. No longer are the days when my decisions are orchestrated from the will of another Counterfeit Conductor. Some men want to hold the baton, but lack the melody to create music. If I have to hold the instrument, and interpret the notes on my own, than I’ll take the stand to perform my solo until a worthy partner proclaims a duet.
… We all have a place, but NOT EVERYONE BELONGS in YOUR choir. We all have a song, but do you have the patience to wait for “Perfect Harmony”?
We all have a place… My life. My Choir.
© A. L. Lewis
Sunday, September 21, 2008
One Night...
… while I’m trying to hold tight to the clasp of my bra, my mind remains locked on the strength of my virtue, my heart keeps wrapped around the truth in my convictions, and my thoughts begin to ponder… Does he even know my name?
I’m not a “full-on-do-gooder”, but what good would it do, to exchange my flourishing garden for a landscape of weeds. Even when your eyes are closed, there’s clarity in your digestion, so why inhale the cloud, when you can mentally see through the smoke screen. Your worth to him is measured by Sex.
Women have so much more to offer, but apparently the order in operation has changed. “Hello”, and “ Can I get to know you?”, are shared over breakfast in bed. We’re letting ‘em park cars in our garage, yet they’ve never even paid the mortgage. We’re trading High Standard’s, for easy opportunities, when the real gift comes from the present of real encounters. To see me is to KNOW me.
It’s simply put, but don’t confuse it with simple. I’m not an easy girl, yet I’m not hard to understand. If it’s easy access for you, how hard can it be for the next person inquiring about an All Access Pass. Sorry Sir, This is not an Open Door Policy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude, or a square. I like to “play” in the dark too, but I understand how unsuccessful it can be trying to bring a flashlight to hell. Morals. As if to say virtue matters anymore, these thoughts of sexual independence seem to go no further than my back door. Women nowadays make life easy for a man. What you won’t do, someone else will, so to remain in the game, you better make your way to the field. Sports were never my thing.
I don’t expect a replay, or to give you a chance to capitalize on the real trophy. My friendship. I’ve encountered many other men whose human value system derives from their sexual pyramid. Attempting to hold on to my belt, and abstaining from the notches on yours, I realize my position in your memory bank. Who are you again?
I laugh at the conclusion and add up how many times I’ve traveled down this road before. I could drive it with my eyes closed. I’m starting to become a regular. So…I know the protocol for how these things operate, and like most unsuccessful night moves this too will remain in the dark. I guess I’ll say it for you… Next.
© A. L. Lewis
I’m not a “full-on-do-gooder”, but what good would it do, to exchange my flourishing garden for a landscape of weeds. Even when your eyes are closed, there’s clarity in your digestion, so why inhale the cloud, when you can mentally see through the smoke screen. Your worth to him is measured by Sex.
Women have so much more to offer, but apparently the order in operation has changed. “Hello”, and “ Can I get to know you?”, are shared over breakfast in bed. We’re letting ‘em park cars in our garage, yet they’ve never even paid the mortgage. We’re trading High Standard’s, for easy opportunities, when the real gift comes from the present of real encounters. To see me is to KNOW me.
It’s simply put, but don’t confuse it with simple. I’m not an easy girl, yet I’m not hard to understand. If it’s easy access for you, how hard can it be for the next person inquiring about an All Access Pass. Sorry Sir, This is not an Open Door Policy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude, or a square. I like to “play” in the dark too, but I understand how unsuccessful it can be trying to bring a flashlight to hell. Morals. As if to say virtue matters anymore, these thoughts of sexual independence seem to go no further than my back door. Women nowadays make life easy for a man. What you won’t do, someone else will, so to remain in the game, you better make your way to the field. Sports were never my thing.
I don’t expect a replay, or to give you a chance to capitalize on the real trophy. My friendship. I’ve encountered many other men whose human value system derives from their sexual pyramid. Attempting to hold on to my belt, and abstaining from the notches on yours, I realize my position in your memory bank. Who are you again?
I laugh at the conclusion and add up how many times I’ve traveled down this road before. I could drive it with my eyes closed. I’m starting to become a regular. So…I know the protocol for how these things operate, and like most unsuccessful night moves this too will remain in the dark. I guess I’ll say it for you… Next.
© A. L. Lewis
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tick Tock Tick Tock....
They say all we have is time. Well I say there's not enough of it.
So with those words...
Never take for granted today,
Look forward to the promise in tommorow &
Find happiness in the pleasures of now!
You can't afford another moment of dispair...
Tick Tock Tick Tock
TO BE CONTINUED...
© A. L. Lewis
They say all we have is time. Well I say there's not enough of it.
So with those words...
Never take for granted today,
Look forward to the promise in tommorow &
Find happiness in the pleasures of now!
You can't afford another moment of dispair...
Tick Tock Tick Tock
TO BE CONTINUED...
© A. L. Lewis
Friday, August 1, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Pin Cushion
So I thought I’d give it a try… and now I’m “stuck”. I was never into acupuncture, but men these days see it fit to submerge their needle into the softest part of me. I’m not a believer that it takes pain to feel good, but I keep getting "stuck" with more Bullshit…
I got quills yet I’m not porcupine. My back is full of the markings of the victors spear… But what’d you win? You had a deficit of excuses when I met you. So in my absence you’re still a bottomless hole of fecal extremities. The difference is now I’m convinced your shit doesn’t have a ceiling. For all I know you bathe in it. I’m already certain you chew it as mints. Try ammonia before you speak, it might help with the crap coming out of your mouth.
I guess when you enlighten the there after of the path the one before took you’re only handing out a road map and a tutorial, to get stabbed again. But who could be so cruel? What kind of heart could be that selfish to add to my bandages, especially if they know I just started undressing my wounds?
You can’t put a band-aid on shit. You have to flush it down the commode. The only thing that stings, is the blow in my intuitive certainty. It’s like I knew… But my questions and hesitations were silenced by verb play and words each day to reiterate the alleged nobility. I was certain of the risk… once bitten, twice shy. I even understood the idea that a sharp tongue truly holds a dull blade. I was cut, but to be “blunt”, you got to be razor-sharp to draw blood from these veins. Fortunately for me, this loser was not an expert marks-men… I dodged a slick bullet even though my hearts just a little maimed.
I was grazed, but I’ll recover. No one can ever be worse than the “other”. But as I remove these pins to add to my collection, and sweep up the gun shells and dispose of his waste… I thank God “truth” came early, she helped pull the thorn out my back and relieve the pressure of more useless waste. Shit stinks … it never makes for good company.
And yes… “Your roses really smell like BOO BOO.”-Andre 3000
You’ve been flushed!
© A. L. Lewis
I got quills yet I’m not porcupine. My back is full of the markings of the victors spear… But what’d you win? You had a deficit of excuses when I met you. So in my absence you’re still a bottomless hole of fecal extremities. The difference is now I’m convinced your shit doesn’t have a ceiling. For all I know you bathe in it. I’m already certain you chew it as mints. Try ammonia before you speak, it might help with the crap coming out of your mouth.
I guess when you enlighten the there after of the path the one before took you’re only handing out a road map and a tutorial, to get stabbed again. But who could be so cruel? What kind of heart could be that selfish to add to my bandages, especially if they know I just started undressing my wounds?
You can’t put a band-aid on shit. You have to flush it down the commode. The only thing that stings, is the blow in my intuitive certainty. It’s like I knew… But my questions and hesitations were silenced by verb play and words each day to reiterate the alleged nobility. I was certain of the risk… once bitten, twice shy. I even understood the idea that a sharp tongue truly holds a dull blade. I was cut, but to be “blunt”, you got to be razor-sharp to draw blood from these veins. Fortunately for me, this loser was not an expert marks-men… I dodged a slick bullet even though my hearts just a little maimed.
I was grazed, but I’ll recover. No one can ever be worse than the “other”. But as I remove these pins to add to my collection, and sweep up the gun shells and dispose of his waste… I thank God “truth” came early, she helped pull the thorn out my back and relieve the pressure of more useless waste. Shit stinks … it never makes for good company.
And yes… “Your roses really smell like BOO BOO.”-Andre 3000
You’ve been flushed!
© A. L. Lewis
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Self Righteous???
I don’t pretend to know everything, yet I enjoy sharing what I’ve learned. I gathered a lot of knowledge from listening, and the rest came from the lesson in my mistakes. Sharing is caring, but doesn’t denote actuality. I don’t pretend to be the authority on your life, but you can rest on the idea that I know what’s best for mine. My words are tools for your entertainment. If you get something from them, then I’ve over accomplished my mission.
I write for me, and share what people may think, yet don’t pause in time to say. So to the “Ex”, that graced the pages of my “Self-Righteous” blog… please reflect on why you’re a part of my past, no longer a factor in my present and please find your way out of my future, mine’s is a road you don’t belong.
P.S. Thanks for the inspiration. Adios!
© A. L. Lewis
Friday, May 2, 2008
A Few More Words...
Happiness~
“Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.”~Jacques Prévert
“Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.” ~Robert Anthony
“What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.” ~Colette
“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.” ~H. Jackson Browne
“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.” ~Logan Pearsall Smith, Afterthoughts, 1931
“There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction. “ ~Salvador Dali
“As people spin faster and faster in the pursuit of merely personal happiness, they become exhausted in the futile effort of chasing themselves.” ~Andrew Delbanco
“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.” ~James Openheim
© A. L. Lewis
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The Realm of Stupidity
I thought David Copperfield was one of the only magicians that created illusions that the world believed. I just realized it’s truly the opposite. While he’s getting paid millions to make the statue of liberty disappear and walking through the Great Wall of China, the “average asshole” is making deception look like love and walking through and over hearts for the price of a woman or a man’s paycheck.
The Realm of Stupidity; a world in which those to whom are “text-book crazy” reside. A place for only them to understand the merit in their lopsided decisions and share their “track marks” with their neighbors because there’s nothing better in life for them but to be comfortable in mayhem and consistent chaos. They don’t desire change so they hesitate to be surrounded with forward movers. They group themselves together and create their own quarantine.
Shared success? If you call the completion of a downfall a rewarding experience, then please spread the word. Great minds think alike, so be choosy to whom you enlighten. I find it impossible to understand people that devalue their worth and pack their bags for this vacation. Don’t bother explaining your position to me. I’m not a junkie for pain. I quit that habit years ago. Can I point you in the direction of detox?
Careful explanations, and excuse making, should be the reason for your hesitation, when it comes to picking the place you choose to vacation. Right? If you need a lot of details to explain your choice in retail, then I suggest you re-sale that lie to another female, ‘cause I’m not buying. …Why am I rhyming?
I have to think like Dr. Suess to understand the magic. It’s a fantasy they're in, that’s what makes this world so tragic. Love doesn’t cost a thing, but there’s a price for pain, when love masquerades as abuse, it pulls away at what makes you sane.
I don’t envy a life that’s surface doesn’t reflect the fragile core it created. It may look good to the observer, but there is nothing to envy about a subconscious broken heart. Because I want something solid, I can only peer through the gates of this world in continual disbelief. “The things we do for love,” but what about the pain in our regrets? I’m going to keep walking. I know I’m headed in the right direction. Let me know if anyone needs a map, I brought copies!
© A. L. Lewis
The Realm of Stupidity; a world in which those to whom are “text-book crazy” reside. A place for only them to understand the merit in their lopsided decisions and share their “track marks” with their neighbors because there’s nothing better in life for them but to be comfortable in mayhem and consistent chaos. They don’t desire change so they hesitate to be surrounded with forward movers. They group themselves together and create their own quarantine.
Shared success? If you call the completion of a downfall a rewarding experience, then please spread the word. Great minds think alike, so be choosy to whom you enlighten. I find it impossible to understand people that devalue their worth and pack their bags for this vacation. Don’t bother explaining your position to me. I’m not a junkie for pain. I quit that habit years ago. Can I point you in the direction of detox?
Careful explanations, and excuse making, should be the reason for your hesitation, when it comes to picking the place you choose to vacation. Right? If you need a lot of details to explain your choice in retail, then I suggest you re-sale that lie to another female, ‘cause I’m not buying. …Why am I rhyming?
I have to think like Dr. Suess to understand the magic. It’s a fantasy they're in, that’s what makes this world so tragic. Love doesn’t cost a thing, but there’s a price for pain, when love masquerades as abuse, it pulls away at what makes you sane.
I don’t envy a life that’s surface doesn’t reflect the fragile core it created. It may look good to the observer, but there is nothing to envy about a subconscious broken heart. Because I want something solid, I can only peer through the gates of this world in continual disbelief. “The things we do for love,” but what about the pain in our regrets? I’m going to keep walking. I know I’m headed in the right direction. Let me know if anyone needs a map, I brought copies!
© A. L. Lewis
Monday, April 28, 2008
The List: Part 3- "The Measure of a Man"
“ The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.
It’s not enough to be a replica…I deserve the authentic original. I don’t want what looks like it could be great, but when it’s in my possession all I see are their unresolved “track marks”. Having half of what I want or a getting a 4th of my reflection means I’m settling for an equation that doesn’t measure up to a standard I put forth when I’m presenting myself. If I did a portion of what people expect, or a 3rd of what’s necessary of me, I’d be less likely to pull in better numbers from other people during the exchange.
I’m looking for a perfect 10, I’ll even be happy with a strong 8. I won’t settle for 5 or 6, because I don’t give anyone half when I’m putting forth 100% of my heart. So why keep battling with the opposite sex over things that we can’t agree upon or illicit actions that derive from a heart that you can’t consciously understand. No two people are ever the same, but their foundation of thought needs to measure up to your avenue. If your differences are way past the “half” mark then how will the “whole” thing pan out in the end? Destruction.
“Treat others as you would like to be treated.” -The Golden Rule. I’m assessing every person that enters my arena. It’s not enough to have intentions to do right by my heart, it’s necessary to be what’s right for me to put in my heart. Mistakes are one thing, but conscious actions with later remorse will get you one-way ticket in the other direction. Anything I do to you, I expect in return. I set out to do what’s right, yet at time’s I stumble, but you’ll never have to worry about me purposely tripping over your heart. Why should I expect less?
Don’t just be the candle, but rather the source for heat. Only a match can light a fire, but my wick doesn’t burn for everyone. I need those of you who want to be an option or a gap-filler in my life to make sure you deserve the space. What we want is not always what we’re deserving of. To evaluate an option, means you may have to evaluate yourself. If you’re not getting what you’re giving or vice versa, and you know the measurements don’t add up, you may need new choices. I’m not afraid of new “numbers”, I’ve been in a deficit for a while. I deserve a perfect 10… I think the biggest fear will come the day I finally meet him!
© A. L. Lewis
“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.
It’s not enough to be a replica…I deserve the authentic original. I don’t want what looks like it could be great, but when it’s in my possession all I see are their unresolved “track marks”. Having half of what I want or a getting a 4th of my reflection means I’m settling for an equation that doesn’t measure up to a standard I put forth when I’m presenting myself. If I did a portion of what people expect, or a 3rd of what’s necessary of me, I’d be less likely to pull in better numbers from other people during the exchange.
I’m looking for a perfect 10, I’ll even be happy with a strong 8. I won’t settle for 5 or 6, because I don’t give anyone half when I’m putting forth 100% of my heart. So why keep battling with the opposite sex over things that we can’t agree upon or illicit actions that derive from a heart that you can’t consciously understand. No two people are ever the same, but their foundation of thought needs to measure up to your avenue. If your differences are way past the “half” mark then how will the “whole” thing pan out in the end? Destruction.
“Treat others as you would like to be treated.” -The Golden Rule. I’m assessing every person that enters my arena. It’s not enough to have intentions to do right by my heart, it’s necessary to be what’s right for me to put in my heart. Mistakes are one thing, but conscious actions with later remorse will get you one-way ticket in the other direction. Anything I do to you, I expect in return. I set out to do what’s right, yet at time’s I stumble, but you’ll never have to worry about me purposely tripping over your heart. Why should I expect less?
Don’t just be the candle, but rather the source for heat. Only a match can light a fire, but my wick doesn’t burn for everyone. I need those of you who want to be an option or a gap-filler in my life to make sure you deserve the space. What we want is not always what we’re deserving of. To evaluate an option, means you may have to evaluate yourself. If you’re not getting what you’re giving or vice versa, and you know the measurements don’t add up, you may need new choices. I’m not afraid of new “numbers”, I’ve been in a deficit for a while. I deserve a perfect 10… I think the biggest fear will come the day I finally meet him!
© A. L. Lewis
The List: Part 2- The 5 Senses
The mirror never lies, but is what you see truly what you get? Can you be certain that people have the conscious truth about you when judging you by your presentation? Doubtful.
There are more dimensions to a person than just what your eye's pick up. In our mind’s seeing is believing, but what if you lost your sight and had to rely on your other dormant abilities to lead your judgment calls. Correct perception is only granted to those who pay attention. Behind the mask lies a mind for exploring, behind the shield lies a heart held captive, with each stride denotes the intentions and with every verbal encounter relays a plan of action. In order to see things clearly you need to focus with all your senses.
My list leads me to not just denote a few adjectives on paper and do a police line-up for the “suspect” who measures up to the crime of being the one for me. I could cuff any “Average Joe”, but would I be entirely satisfied or longing for his sentence to be up? The latter of the two is the likely answer.
Seeing, Hearing, Taste, Touch and Smell. Don’t we learn about that in Kindergarten? Television show’s like “Are you Smarter than a 5th grader” remind us how complex are thinking has become as adults when something as simple as trusting our instincts and easy knowledge can possibly win you the grand prize you're looking for.
What I need is easy… I want to SEE something that is as visually satisfying to my eyes, make my heart smile with the same pleasure. I want to HEAR the words spoken to me coincide with the actions being delivered. I want to TASTE the satisfaction that comes from finally having a thirst for something, genuinely quenched. I want to not only be TOUCHED on my exterior, although hugs are nice, but I need it to eventually reach my heart and deliver that same warmth. I need a SMELL that lingers… If you’re to be the perfume of my life, you need to fill my heart, soul, and mind with an undeniable and unforgettable scent.
What I’m looking for is beyond a few words, packaging and a couple gestures. It’s an overall feeling that comes from a genuine encounter with someone who possibly mirrors your own list. You have to be a reflection of what you want in return. Because I know that type of person I am, I won’t yield to the opposite. I have to keep moving. Nothing is impossible,so I have patience.
© A. L. Lewis
There are more dimensions to a person than just what your eye's pick up. In our mind’s seeing is believing, but what if you lost your sight and had to rely on your other dormant abilities to lead your judgment calls. Correct perception is only granted to those who pay attention. Behind the mask lies a mind for exploring, behind the shield lies a heart held captive, with each stride denotes the intentions and with every verbal encounter relays a plan of action. In order to see things clearly you need to focus with all your senses.
My list leads me to not just denote a few adjectives on paper and do a police line-up for the “suspect” who measures up to the crime of being the one for me. I could cuff any “Average Joe”, but would I be entirely satisfied or longing for his sentence to be up? The latter of the two is the likely answer.
Seeing, Hearing, Taste, Touch and Smell. Don’t we learn about that in Kindergarten? Television show’s like “Are you Smarter than a 5th grader” remind us how complex are thinking has become as adults when something as simple as trusting our instincts and easy knowledge can possibly win you the grand prize you're looking for.
What I need is easy… I want to SEE something that is as visually satisfying to my eyes, make my heart smile with the same pleasure. I want to HEAR the words spoken to me coincide with the actions being delivered. I want to TASTE the satisfaction that comes from finally having a thirst for something, genuinely quenched. I want to not only be TOUCHED on my exterior, although hugs are nice, but I need it to eventually reach my heart and deliver that same warmth. I need a SMELL that lingers… If you’re to be the perfume of my life, you need to fill my heart, soul, and mind with an undeniable and unforgettable scent.
What I’m looking for is beyond a few words, packaging and a couple gestures. It’s an overall feeling that comes from a genuine encounter with someone who possibly mirrors your own list. You have to be a reflection of what you want in return. Because I know that type of person I am, I won’t yield to the opposite. I have to keep moving. Nothing is impossible,so I have patience.
© A. L. Lewis
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The List: Part 1- Recipe for Love
Aren’t lists for the grocery store? That’s what I used to think. A year ago when I was ending a bad relationship, a friend came to me and helped me discover the notion that much like picking out the ingredients to cook a great meal, you need to have a visual idea as to what you want when you are seeking your partner. Like most meals, you don’t want to side step on ingredients otherwise you don’t get the best quality of what you are fixing. If the recipe makes the meal, then the qualities of someone make the man. You could shortcut and be unsatisfied yet full, or you could take time, disallow substitutions, and prepare the best and long for seconds before continuing on with dessert.
So many of us know what we are looking for, but when presented with opportunities we relax on our preconditions and mentally burn our lists in order to satisfy our appetite at the time being. No one intentionally plans on going through drive-thru’s for the rest of their life, but if you are a person of good taste, when you know you don’t have something that’s truly satisfying to your mental palate, you will always desire an upgrade. I don’t care how many new burgers your favorite fast food joint puts out, a home cooked or a truly refined meal is the one you remember the most and appreciate when it’s presented to you. So why settle for less? Cheap and easy isn’t always the best thing for you…
As I put myself out there to get back in the relational game of life, I run across imitations, generic versions, and overpriced brands of the man I’m looking for. What happened to the old-fashioned, good ole reliable, in the nick of time, better than Lawry’s Seasoning Salt brothers that can add zest to anything you put them on. An addition you long for, and run to get as soon as you’re all out. No substitutions will do; I need a flavor that enhances, and never takes away from the taste. That’s what I’m looking for.
I’ve pulled out my list again. This time I won’t get sidetracked or relax on my ingredients. I know what I need because I know what it takes to fill my heart and soul with something worth my appetite. When you look back in your past there’s always one meal you remember the most. I’m looking for the one to repeat that satisfaction and forever leave me hunger-less.
© A. L. Lewis
So many of us know what we are looking for, but when presented with opportunities we relax on our preconditions and mentally burn our lists in order to satisfy our appetite at the time being. No one intentionally plans on going through drive-thru’s for the rest of their life, but if you are a person of good taste, when you know you don’t have something that’s truly satisfying to your mental palate, you will always desire an upgrade. I don’t care how many new burgers your favorite fast food joint puts out, a home cooked or a truly refined meal is the one you remember the most and appreciate when it’s presented to you. So why settle for less? Cheap and easy isn’t always the best thing for you…
As I put myself out there to get back in the relational game of life, I run across imitations, generic versions, and overpriced brands of the man I’m looking for. What happened to the old-fashioned, good ole reliable, in the nick of time, better than Lawry’s Seasoning Salt brothers that can add zest to anything you put them on. An addition you long for, and run to get as soon as you’re all out. No substitutions will do; I need a flavor that enhances, and never takes away from the taste. That’s what I’m looking for.
I’ve pulled out my list again. This time I won’t get sidetracked or relax on my ingredients. I know what I need because I know what it takes to fill my heart and soul with something worth my appetite. When you look back in your past there’s always one meal you remember the most. I’m looking for the one to repeat that satisfaction and forever leave me hunger-less.
© A. L. Lewis
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Track Marks
Residue… left over from a past life done and gone. The habit is broken, but it’s story remains. Ingrained to the pieces of my soul and mimicked in my every encounter. I was a junkie, but I don’t get high anymore. I had a high tolerance for pain, but a low handle on the aftermath. So many memories, laced to impair. I’ve put down my poison, but how do I rub away these track marks…
I kind of like someone… but I’ve never seen contraband like this before. Call me a square, but I’m boxed in. I’m self-involved, absorbed in my precautions, surrounded by my fear, yet desiring a new experience.
My walls are up, but there’s a fence with a key. The “Do Not Enter” sign is hanging up by one corner. As my guard drops, so does my protective barrier. All that slants will soon fall down, and all that’s dormant, will bloom again. The closer he comes, the more apt I am to want to…
Track marks… In a haste to reserve myself, and the fear of standing there, bare and open, I halt my exposure and remain. I retract my key… but it dangles further from my hand with each encounter. Patience… The fear of the unknown leaves me tucked away, but yearning. I’m “Dreaming with a broken heart”, yet hoping he’s got the glue. Not to fix my parts, only I have the power, but to stick himself to me if he discovers that I’m his addiction.
My wounds used to be deep, but are steadily rising to the surface. I have patches of hurt but they don’t cover my quilt. My confusion, paints illusions but every girl needs mystery. It’s not that hard to figure out what I desire… pay attention to what you don’t see.
© A. L. Lewis
I kind of like someone… but I’ve never seen contraband like this before. Call me a square, but I’m boxed in. I’m self-involved, absorbed in my precautions, surrounded by my fear, yet desiring a new experience.
My walls are up, but there’s a fence with a key. The “Do Not Enter” sign is hanging up by one corner. As my guard drops, so does my protective barrier. All that slants will soon fall down, and all that’s dormant, will bloom again. The closer he comes, the more apt I am to want to…
Track marks… In a haste to reserve myself, and the fear of standing there, bare and open, I halt my exposure and remain. I retract my key… but it dangles further from my hand with each encounter. Patience… The fear of the unknown leaves me tucked away, but yearning. I’m “Dreaming with a broken heart”, yet hoping he’s got the glue. Not to fix my parts, only I have the power, but to stick himself to me if he discovers that I’m his addiction.
My wounds used to be deep, but are steadily rising to the surface. I have patches of hurt but they don’t cover my quilt. My confusion, paints illusions but every girl needs mystery. It’s not that hard to figure out what I desire… pay attention to what you don’t see.
© A. L. Lewis
Monday, April 14, 2008
Seemingly Not... but Maybe.
To be undecided… but appear to be sure. A fence rider; afraid to make a choice because to choose may mean you lose it all. How I appear may not be the avenue in which I reside. I’m mobile so I know how to pace the floor. I could drive from one end of the town and back to the other, and still not be settled on which side to parallel my emotions.
So many think they know my category, but since I’m forever changing my label in your eyes should waiver daily. I know how to expand; I’m made from elastic. The only thing firm about me is the opinions I’ve stated prior, but how will my journey today, affect my thoughts of yesteryear?
My certainties lie in my decisions. My reservations rest with my additions.
In a room of expanding columns some pillars of thought always remain… I’m choosing to live. I’d hate to stay emerged in a dying world. I’ve decided to change. There’s no time better then the days you’re blessed to be woke. I’m settled on my mission. Without a plan, you’ll fall to whatever path you see. I’m exact in my choices. I don’t regret the latter day and look forward to perfecting the next. I won’t compromise on my heart. From it beats life, and I won’t die to interruption.
© A. L. Lewis
So many think they know my category, but since I’m forever changing my label in your eyes should waiver daily. I know how to expand; I’m made from elastic. The only thing firm about me is the opinions I’ve stated prior, but how will my journey today, affect my thoughts of yesteryear?
My certainties lie in my decisions. My reservations rest with my additions.
In a room of expanding columns some pillars of thought always remain… I’m choosing to live. I’d hate to stay emerged in a dying world. I’ve decided to change. There’s no time better then the days you’re blessed to be woke. I’m settled on my mission. Without a plan, you’ll fall to whatever path you see. I’m exact in my choices. I don’t regret the latter day and look forward to perfecting the next. I won’t compromise on my heart. From it beats life, and I won’t die to interruption.
© A. L. Lewis
Thursday, April 10, 2008
"Text-Book" Crazy
By Definition:
Crazy- 1. (adj.) Afflicted with or exhibiting irrationality and mental unsoundness. 2.(noun) An eccentric or mentally unbalanced person.
“text-book crazy”- the art form of mastering your delusions that can only be understood to outsiders by reading about you in a medical handbook. IOW… you need help!!!
Maybe it’s not all in a definition… but if you don’t deviate or variate from the idea then according to the laws of what’s absolute then you must be... Right? But what’s really in a word or rather a label? What makes the term transition from probability to definite? I’d hate to rest on the obvious, but if the traits exude the essentials, then my position curves towards the truth. So to simplify this equation, you either are or you aren’t in sound mind, because in reality there are no in betweens. Choose a side.
The things we do for love. Is it necessary to be broadsided by the obvious to live the American Dream? Don’t be crazy for something, when you can be sane yet have nothing. Those who can learn to be content “with-out”, will be the first to be blessed “with”. I may not have, but one day I will, and I’m sane enough to be patient for my dream to wake in my reality.
In this world you only have so many options. I’d like to see the truth for what it is and act accordingly. I stray from ignorance; there’s no real peace when you relax in a false consciousness. So many are quick to see life through kaleidoscope specs that they forget like everything in time their eyes will grow weary. I prefer to dream in black in white, yet operate in color. The only grey in my reality is the existence of you; those of you that are “text-book crazy” to whom never see the truth because their mind is content with hesitations.
We all want “that dream”, but don’t capture the nightmare in the midst of trying to will your own creation. I’d like to come home to a “guarantee” but the only thing certain is the death in my bad decisions. My choices can breed life, yet mistakes can take my breath away. I’d hate to die to ignorance, when I can live to true opportunity.
If you’re holding on to something that’s not good for you, then don’t be upset if nothing good ever happens to you. Love doesn’t have to come in pieces; but if you refuse to see the “whole” picture, then don’t be surprised when you get half of what life has to offer you.
I don’t necessarily embrace being alone, but for now I am content. I have to cultivate my wants and needs, and hope that from them grows something promising worth the pick. We’re all flowers; fertilized with the chance to grow to perfection. I’d rather wait to pick one with my likeness then settle for a wilted flower still wading in its own manure.
I’m not crazy for wanting more or choosing to wait for what’s best for me. I’d be crazy to settle for what was in front of me when I’ve already seen the destruction it left behind. Insanity paves roads to seclusions, because when you get there, you’re usually the only one who understands. Not everything in life has to makes sense, but if it’s senseless and you continue to do it then you might just be… "text-book crazy".
© A.L. Lewis
Crazy- 1. (adj.) Afflicted with or exhibiting irrationality and mental unsoundness. 2.(noun) An eccentric or mentally unbalanced person.
“text-book crazy”- the art form of mastering your delusions that can only be understood to outsiders by reading about you in a medical handbook. IOW… you need help!!!
Maybe it’s not all in a definition… but if you don’t deviate or variate from the idea then according to the laws of what’s absolute then you must be... Right? But what’s really in a word or rather a label? What makes the term transition from probability to definite? I’d hate to rest on the obvious, but if the traits exude the essentials, then my position curves towards the truth. So to simplify this equation, you either are or you aren’t in sound mind, because in reality there are no in betweens. Choose a side.
The things we do for love. Is it necessary to be broadsided by the obvious to live the American Dream? Don’t be crazy for something, when you can be sane yet have nothing. Those who can learn to be content “with-out”, will be the first to be blessed “with”. I may not have, but one day I will, and I’m sane enough to be patient for my dream to wake in my reality.
In this world you only have so many options. I’d like to see the truth for what it is and act accordingly. I stray from ignorance; there’s no real peace when you relax in a false consciousness. So many are quick to see life through kaleidoscope specs that they forget like everything in time their eyes will grow weary. I prefer to dream in black in white, yet operate in color. The only grey in my reality is the existence of you; those of you that are “text-book crazy” to whom never see the truth because their mind is content with hesitations.
We all want “that dream”, but don’t capture the nightmare in the midst of trying to will your own creation. I’d like to come home to a “guarantee” but the only thing certain is the death in my bad decisions. My choices can breed life, yet mistakes can take my breath away. I’d hate to die to ignorance, when I can live to true opportunity.
If you’re holding on to something that’s not good for you, then don’t be upset if nothing good ever happens to you. Love doesn’t have to come in pieces; but if you refuse to see the “whole” picture, then don’t be surprised when you get half of what life has to offer you.
I don’t necessarily embrace being alone, but for now I am content. I have to cultivate my wants and needs, and hope that from them grows something promising worth the pick. We’re all flowers; fertilized with the chance to grow to perfection. I’d rather wait to pick one with my likeness then settle for a wilted flower still wading in its own manure.
I’m not crazy for wanting more or choosing to wait for what’s best for me. I’d be crazy to settle for what was in front of me when I’ve already seen the destruction it left behind. Insanity paves roads to seclusions, because when you get there, you’re usually the only one who understands. Not everything in life has to makes sense, but if it’s senseless and you continue to do it then you might just be… "text-book crazy".
© A.L. Lewis
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A Few Words...
"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be." ~Thomas à Kempis, Imitation of Christ, c.1420
"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ~Steven D. Woodhull
"Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!" ~Allison Gappa Bottke
"Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning?" ~Coleman Cox
"The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile." ~Plato
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
UN-Regretfully Yours,
Dear {please insert name},
How’ve you been? Me, it’s been rough, but I’m arriving. So much has changed in me from then to now. I know that change is a sign of completing life lessons. You were one learned early and I retained that baggage for my life’s diploma. Thanks.
I must be honest, at time’s I still feel mad at you. You breached our contract, but I’m not surprised. I never hired you for mental digression, I thought I gained a partner but you deviated us from that course. Even after a few suspensions, you still had to be fired. I know now you never wanted the job, or you’d have appreciated the position for the value it held.
When you met me I was a plain field of adventure, but after our departure my surface had been refaced. You definitely weren’t the same going in and out of the union, but who knew one could have the power to deaden a blooming bulb that they once desired to pick. So many gardens to trample on and you chose to interrupt the growth of my flowers. I just thank god my roots were deep enough to reproduce its beauty after my season of winter had passed.
I was never really big on Colorado, but having had you in my life created my own Rocky Mountains. I’ve been doing a lot climbing lately, but just know it’s making me stronger. As I work my way to the top, I see the defeat of my accomplishments beneath me. Although it didn’t come with ease, I appreciate it more for overcoming the battle I took to get here.
I hope all is well for you, because I’d hate to see you wading in your own destruction. I’d never wish your tornado on my worst enemy, but I wouldn’t trade the whirlwind of my experience for the world. I just know now, that I must build my house with stronger foundation, so that even the biggest storm couldn’t destroy its base.
Not much more to say from here, my words to you are a privilege, and the few I’ve just rewarded you with truly were never earned. Just stopping through to say thanks. You helped me shed my naive interior. And in truth... now I know better. I’m now more selective, and quite objective when I’m choosing my additions. Pain is not a habit I intend to repeat. Thanks for helping me grasp that truth.
UN-Regretfully Yours,
Alaina
© A.L. Lewis
Monday, April 7, 2008
Unattended Baggage
My plane is taking off and there’s no place for unattended or overweight bags. Please leave those problems at the door or take the useless contents of your past life out before setting foot in my airship. My fuselage is cracked enough do to my own past journeys, to add your dents to mine could bring about an emergency landing. No time for pit stops; my voyage has just begun.
The FAA has rules that I intend to follow. I’m working on adhering to those principals preflight. I’m smoothing out my kinks and building a sturdier engine. My passengers need a safe journey. I’d hate for them to be amidst my turbulence. You lose customers when you can’t deliver a good experience.
I don’t want my frequent fliers to always long for the "exit row". When I’m complete this will be a trip of a lifetime.
These tickets are first class only; can you afford to ride? I’ve had enough passengers that bring about problems that can make a two-hour destination an everlasting miserable experience. If you want a bigger responsibility, then that means you have a larger scale to be measured on.
So now I ask... What are you doing to merge with my airline? You have to have a 5 star personality to co-captain this ship. I’m in training to get my wings, but when it’s time to soar the skies, I need you to be ready to help anchor. I’m quite capable of doing it alone, but if I dose off... who will get the wheel?
I need someone I can trust with my life, that I know will be fit enough to coincide with this journey. The vision is my own, but if you’re headed in my direction we can cut our expenses if we choose to ride together. As inflation takes off and the prices go up, so do my expectations. You get what you pay for, and for every expensive experience it needs to be cost-effective. So the real question is... Are you worth my investment?
I can’t invest in damaged goods. You can’t gleam on the outside but have a tarnished interior when I open that door. I’d rather take a flight in a DC-10 with a few common dents, or in need of a new paint job if the soul of its engine is fine-tuned to withstand our journey. Just because you look good on the outside doesn’t mean your course is set to follow mine. I know how to deviate; I won’t follow anyone towards destruction.
Right now I’m resting in the mechanic’s hanger. Preparing myself for that journey. No fleet has to fly alone. If you think you’re equipped to enter my radar, I suggest that you be worth entering my radius. As I stated prior, this airline has no place for unattended or overweight bags. Anyone who chooses to break these rules will be immediately asked to exit the cabin. Thanks.
© A. L. Lewis
The FAA has rules that I intend to follow. I’m working on adhering to those principals preflight. I’m smoothing out my kinks and building a sturdier engine. My passengers need a safe journey. I’d hate for them to be amidst my turbulence. You lose customers when you can’t deliver a good experience.
I don’t want my frequent fliers to always long for the "exit row". When I’m complete this will be a trip of a lifetime.
These tickets are first class only; can you afford to ride? I’ve had enough passengers that bring about problems that can make a two-hour destination an everlasting miserable experience. If you want a bigger responsibility, then that means you have a larger scale to be measured on.
So now I ask... What are you doing to merge with my airline? You have to have a 5 star personality to co-captain this ship. I’m in training to get my wings, but when it’s time to soar the skies, I need you to be ready to help anchor. I’m quite capable of doing it alone, but if I dose off... who will get the wheel?
I need someone I can trust with my life, that I know will be fit enough to coincide with this journey. The vision is my own, but if you’re headed in my direction we can cut our expenses if we choose to ride together. As inflation takes off and the prices go up, so do my expectations. You get what you pay for, and for every expensive experience it needs to be cost-effective. So the real question is... Are you worth my investment?
I can’t invest in damaged goods. You can’t gleam on the outside but have a tarnished interior when I open that door. I’d rather take a flight in a DC-10 with a few common dents, or in need of a new paint job if the soul of its engine is fine-tuned to withstand our journey. Just because you look good on the outside doesn’t mean your course is set to follow mine. I know how to deviate; I won’t follow anyone towards destruction.
Right now I’m resting in the mechanic’s hanger. Preparing myself for that journey. No fleet has to fly alone. If you think you’re equipped to enter my radar, I suggest that you be worth entering my radius. As I stated prior, this airline has no place for unattended or overweight bags. Anyone who chooses to break these rules will be immediately asked to exit the cabin. Thanks.
© A. L. Lewis
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Release
The purpose of this page... To increase the light by releasing it's darkness. Thank you to those who allow me to shed my excess baggage by indulging in the idea that none of us are perfect and we all have problems. I'm not choosing to run from them anymore! Although I swear I know everything, my past denotes that there's room for growth. By declaring my vulnerabilities it creates a more able plain to rest on. So no, Im not perfect, but yes, I'm still flyy! CHEA!!!!
With Love, Alaina
© A. L. Lewis
Bittersweet
I’m not bitter… I’m like an eclipse. I just haven’t lost my moon.
I’m not trying to be bittersweet, but then again I’m done trying… I’ve stood in the blocks ready to run the race many times but I never took home the prize. No matter how swift my feet were, or how far they carried me, I never got further than “no”. I’ve met a dozen “NO” men, but where’s my “YES” man who equals out my equation. A “punctuation” at the end of my sentence that can turn my question mark into an absolute exclamation point.
I’ve been through enough. Damage builds character but it also changes my perception. I can’t see as clear as I used to, but even with spectacles every man still looks the same. Trouble. In truth my vision is far from the problem, it’s the lack of focal points of importance that stays my directive. Where are the men worth seeing because I’m tired of gazing upon “problems”. My eyes have seen enough of those, and that’s why they’re shielded by the rising of my moon.
On the brighter side of things, I’m at peace. As long as I continue to be the dawn of my own happiness my sun will never set to another falling star. All those that approach me, can still see my rays, but will have to travel a far distance to experience its heat.
But in my darkest days there’s no trust for anyone. I patiently anticipate pain. I wait with an eagerness for men to fail my heart and continue adding to the trail of my tears. As each hour grows darker the hope of a promising experience fades further into the backdrop of my life. Where are the soldiers of fortune to whom will polish my tarnished faith in man and brighten the wake of my night? My hope in a perfect love has almost diminished.
So here I sit. Not waiting, but rather lounging in my contentment until the day comes when my two halves find reason to become whole again.
© A.L. Lewis
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Serenity
"A general peace and serenity newly succeeded a general trouble." Sir W. Temple
Definition: Serenity 1: a disposition free from stress or emotion
2:the absence of mental stress or anxiety
Quest: To reach a long lasting state of serenity to bring a peace to my external and internal being as I continue to press forward towards completion.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Lethal Doses
One hit can be deadly . . . Some people carry so much toxic energy that to fuse yourself with their spirit can leave you terminal. Negativity has a radiating pulse, and too much of it can stop the beat of your own. Checking in for a visit can have you checking out from the morgue.
The funny thing about any bad addiction is the shadow of reality it masks to your eyes. You think you need it, at times it feels good, but the aftershock always leaves you depleted with self.
My addictions have always had first and last names. It was always easier for me to latch on to people rather than a substance. Like any other drug, with every first encounter it was amazing. My problem was always exiting when the time was right and I could no longer feel the same high.
I somehow find myself addicted to “Science Projects” and unhealthy relationships. “Science Projects”, are people who are lacking some major functioning necessities due to their own lethal doses of negative life experiences. Because I am wired to care for others I attract these individuals like Dr. Moreau. It’s like bringing home a stray dog. You should never be surprised when you get bit.
The heart of me wants to be their rock, but the energy from them hollows me out. My solids turn to dust and soon after I’m blowing in the wind trying to gather the fragments of me so I can become whole again. These unhealthy relationships whether it is a boyfriend, a girlfriend, friendships, or a potential suitor can do more harm then good. I know I’m not the only one who has over stayed their welcome in home they knew was falling down.
I’m learning to cut ties… I’m done trying to understand, be a hero, be a permanent stepping stone, or an absorbent of their poison. I’d rather be a traffic cop and direct them to the door. I’ve recently removed the I.V. from a few individuals in my life. I encourage them if they are reading this to clean up their issues before they replant their “drip” in my veins. As I’ve told my readers before, I’m making changes, and some of them may be you… (…you know who you are).
© A.L. Lewis
The funny thing about any bad addiction is the shadow of reality it masks to your eyes. You think you need it, at times it feels good, but the aftershock always leaves you depleted with self.
My addictions have always had first and last names. It was always easier for me to latch on to people rather than a substance. Like any other drug, with every first encounter it was amazing. My problem was always exiting when the time was right and I could no longer feel the same high.
I somehow find myself addicted to “Science Projects” and unhealthy relationships. “Science Projects”, are people who are lacking some major functioning necessities due to their own lethal doses of negative life experiences. Because I am wired to care for others I attract these individuals like Dr. Moreau. It’s like bringing home a stray dog. You should never be surprised when you get bit.
The heart of me wants to be their rock, but the energy from them hollows me out. My solids turn to dust and soon after I’m blowing in the wind trying to gather the fragments of me so I can become whole again. These unhealthy relationships whether it is a boyfriend, a girlfriend, friendships, or a potential suitor can do more harm then good. I know I’m not the only one who has over stayed their welcome in home they knew was falling down.
I’m learning to cut ties… I’m done trying to understand, be a hero, be a permanent stepping stone, or an absorbent of their poison. I’d rather be a traffic cop and direct them to the door. I’ve recently removed the I.V. from a few individuals in my life. I encourage them if they are reading this to clean up their issues before they replant their “drip” in my veins. As I’ve told my readers before, I’m making changes, and some of them may be you… (…you know who you are).
© A.L. Lewis
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The Uprising!
Everyone starts at the bottom ‘til they make their mark and get past middle ground. I’ve always gotten to the middle, but I never made it to the top. I usually get sidetracked or disinterested in the struggle because lets face it, you have to crawl before you walk and I’m tired of brushing off my knees. LOL. I realize at 28, that everything I want in life is only “thoughts” away. My mind is what stops me and is the only thing that halts my ventures. It’s time to retrain my thinking and make my mind work for me. Success is different to each individual and it comes at different levels of your life. I find when I don’t attempt to master each step in the proper order, when I get to where I believe I want to be, those unresolved issues from the past make their presence a factor in my imperfect world.
My first order of business is to be successful at being me. Does that make sense?
How many of us look at what another individual has and wishes or envies their attributes upon ourselves. Who even knows the road they took or the sacrifices they made to attain their “successes”. You should never look at what others have or who others are, and want to fill their shoes. If anything let it inspire you to change. I intend to be complete in my size 12’s. It’s time to work on being happy with my imperfections and resolved in the things of my past that restructured the road to my future.
So today I state, “No more compromises.” To complete my first mission, I must complete me. There’s only one road to take and it has no off ramps. I’ll see you on the other side.
© A.L. Lewis
Monday, March 31, 2008
My Declaration of Independence
At times I over invest in people who are consistent uncertain factors in my life neglecting definite parties that will forever remain. Indulging in impossibilities knowing that effort is a two way street, yet when continuing to ignore the obvious it just keeps leading me down a one way. After hitting so many dead ends, you know the only way out is reverse. Sometimes it’s easy to back yourself out of a situation, especially if you get used to doing it. Your journey out always leads you back, but the only way to truly go forward is to take a different road. For some when you arrive, you look as worn as your journey.
Why perfect imperfection, when you can master your destiny. You have to slow down and get quiet enough to hear the things that you really want that speak through the walls of your soul. We always try to take matters into our own hands, forgetting that you’re tired of stumbling through life, when it could move at ease if you just listen.
What do YOU really want? I know for me, I’m tired of wasting my time, tired of giving my mind, and tired of letting my heart carry the burden of my foolish decisions. I’m tired of meeting, I’m tired of cheating, and I’m tired of leading myself away from what I deserve. I’m tired of carrying your bags and dragging them alongside mine. I’m tired of trying to make you happy to make me happy so together we’ll be all right. I’m tired of swabbing your wounds, while mine are still gaping open. And I’m tired of ignoring my problems to adhere to yours as if you were more important than me. I’m tired of your excuses, if you have them then why are you here? I’m tired of letting people ignore what I need and giving them 100% of what I have to offer. And I’m tired of letting people get away with doing a half ass effort to an effortless friendship. No offense to anyone, but I’m tired. And now’s a time for change… © A.L. Lewis
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