Mr. Relevant- An Athletes Choice to Wait...

“Virginity spotting”; quite a ridiculous notion.

When it comes to picking out the people who are abstaining from sex, as oppose to those who aren't, that choice doesn't offer symptoms to be read so easily by the critical eye of a curious observer. It doesn't have a name, a face, an attitude or a specific residence. But no matter what you do, or however you package it, there's always an idea at the surface of this sensitive subject that collects a biased opinion on what a Virgin actually looks like.

Thanks to Steve Carell and his tireless struggle as a the infamous 40 Year Old Virgin, most will generalize when it comes to discerning what the image of “purity” typically resembles. Not everyone collects action figures, rides a Schwinn bicycle or finds solace behind the trimmings of a striped Lacoste Polo Shirt. In reality, a fine line must be drawn between the Andy Stitzers of the world, who due to lack of charisma and bravado are somehow forced to wait for a chance to extinguish their innocence, versus the select few courageous individuals, who go against the societal grain and make no excuse when it comes to the choice to hold on to their innocence.

In theory, the face of virtue lays within the trademark personas of your high schools less desirable. From the Barbie Doll toting crossing guard to those glee club singing goody two shoes, both fit the profile of what we'd typically consider the Last American Virgin. When it comes to anyone over the age of 18, the thoughts on who's still holding onto their “elected moral goodness,” seemingly hides behind the smiles of other obvious candidates; the unattractive computer geeks or those prim and proper Sandra Dee's. The list could go on but it would only amuse the stereotype, so I'd rather we end that longstanding affair in the world of quick assumptions.

What's obvious about anything is that nothing is truly obvious about everything. When it comes to the Card Carrying members of “Club Virgin,” the reality is, they're just everyday people. They're amongst the outstretched legs of the Alvin Ailey Dancers, to the faces in the cubicles behind you at your Brokerage Firm. But as hard as it is to believe due to all the temptation surrounding professional sports, Virginity also resides within the twinkling eyes of an attractive NFL football player.

“When women find out I'm still a virgin, their first reaction is 'Yeah right, you're just trying to get in my pants',” says Ryan Hoag, a former Minnesota Viking Wide Receiver. “I have people to this day that come up to me and say, 'I still don't believe you.' ” But in knowing an athletes endless opportunity to score both on and off the field, even as it slips from Hoag's honest lips, would you really believe him? If you ever met this gentleman, after a few words I'm sure you could.

At the tender age of 29, Hoag is definitely a rarity. Most single people in the world, including myself, that are rounding out their 3rd decade of living, have already tasted the forbidden fruit from the tree of sexual opportunity. When it comes to any athlete, the jock title quickly draws the lines of assumption; you instantly want to categorize their convictions amongst those projected by the masses. “I've always prided myself on being the exception; being different from everybody else because I don't like to be compared to anyone else. That's kind of where it all manifested, from that little mentality. I didn't want to be like him, him or the next him and here was how I could do that.” Hoag says about choosing to wait. “I've definitely had opportunities to change that, but I've stuck to my guns of committing to waiting until marriage. That aspect of my life is uncompromisable. I'm not willing to give that up for any reason or anyone.”

Prior to his days of tossing around the pigskin for teams like The New York Giants or The Washington Redskins, this Gustavus Adolphus alumni, who was both an All American in Academics and a 3 time All American in Sports, was considering a career as a Lutheran Pastor but changed his direction when he realized he could positively impact lives with a degree as a teacher. “I'm an athlete, yes, and it's a passion, but competitiveness is just something that's in my nature but it doesn't define me,” he states. “What makes me happiest in life is making others happy. It truly makes me ecstatic when I know I'm making someone's day or changing their life in a positive manner. That's why aside from football, I also work in a school setting. You see the impact you can potentially have even if you don't always achieve it on a day to day basis.”

Certainly his wholesome nature could be perceived like a needle in the haystack in the typical world of the NFL, but when Hoag received an opportunity to be apart of the ABC series The Bachelorette, he hesitated before jumping at the idea, because he knew then that his personal convictions would become common knowledge to the entire world. “I was kind of at a crossroads in terms of, 'do I really want to do this,' 'do I know what I'm getting myself into,' but then ultimately the bottom line is, ten years from now, would I regret not doing it, and I said ‘probably’,” he offers about opting to go forth with the experience. “It's one of those things where I'm happy I did it, but I wouldn't do it again.”

Most people weren't aware Hoag was still a virgin because it's not the first sentence he rattles off in general conversation. After the show aired late last year, Hoag's honesty in front of the camera earned him a badge of respect amongst millions of surprised viewers. I guess when you're handsome, an athlete, a model, and a teacher, the world would sooner expect you to have fathered 7 or 8 children rather than be waiting patiently for marriage before pursuing any activity that will bring you closer to fatherhood.

Still hard to believe right, especially when you replay the fact that he is a handsome 29 year old athlete living in the 21st Century? But everyone's different, and the opposite of our own norm is not always easy to consider or accept as the truth. Nowadays, people drop their virginity in the Sea of Life, as easily as they throw pennies in a wishing well in search of instant gratification. As priceless as our innocence really is, it's sometimes disregarded like the spare change hiding within our pockets. Tossed from the depths apart our fingertips, and left to tear through the surface of life's murky waters. But as I said before, what's obvious about anything is that nothing is truly obvious about everything. So understand that this statement is only true for some.

After Hoag was eliminated from the show, by Deanna the 2008 Bachelorette, the real journey began after he ventured back home. Bombarded with both negative and positive feedback based on the average person's inability to understand the truth about his choice to abstain, has helped him grow thicker skin, but also forced him into a position of being an unofficial role model to others who are at a point of questioning whether or not to wait or take a swim. “The same people that make a big deal about the fact that I'm a virgin in public, are the same one's that pull me aside and put their arm around me and say, 'Hey, I wish I could say the same thing,” he states. “I've been flooded by wonderful letters from people who are inspired by my honesty. It's still fun going out and getting noticed by people who say,' hey aren't you that guy from the Bachelorette, thank you for being so honest. Or having the special opportunity to do interviews with wonderful people like you.” (Hey 'I'm just happy for the opportunity to get lost inside your eyes and your smile Ryan.)

As this single, half African American and half Czech/Caucasian athlete, sets a new standard within the stereotype surrounding the typical virgin, he's still finds himself looking for that unique addition who will be comfortable enough within their self to stand by his side permanently. “Part of the problem I run into, especially when it comes to relationships, is that when you've lived your life a certain way, and you meet someone who is generally a good person but has made some other choices with the things in their path that differ from what I've chosen to do- right or wrong I'm not worried about the things that they've done before me, yet after we move on to dating, they somehow feel like those choices are put in the forefront and they begin to feel like they can't do enough to keep up with me.” He says, “Right then I know, it's not going to be a good match if they can't feel comfortable enough in their own skin when they're around me.”

So Hoag, is still waiting patiently. “I've waited this long and had this much discipline so I know in my heart that I can wait a little longer.”

In a generation of “Sexting,” a lot of parents are at war with their teenagers when it comes to breaking through with a message of maintaining their chastity. Even some adults frown at the idea of practicing celibacy or implementing our favorite Girlfriend Joan's infamous “3 month rule.” But remember, this is a generation that allows individuals to make their own choices. As an adult, your actions don't have to be rendered to anyone else's judgments, but it's still nice to know that we're surrounded by a few who are still holding out for marriage.

Although Hoag’s choice may rest on the other side of many of our coins, the idea of freedom of choice is a simple philosophy that even he carries under his personal umbrella. “I'm not out here to promote myself, or place judgment on anyone else or say that one way is right and the other way is wrong, that's just not in my belief system, that's up to God's decision making. As long as you're comfortable in your skin, and you are confident in the choices you make and have heart behind it, people are going to be able to understand that and feel it too.”

So for a man who was once titled Mr. Irrelevant in 2003, due to being the last pick selected in the annual NFL draft he has far since succeeded that underdog title. To be able to stand firm in your beliefs, not care about negative opinions, whilst clinging to a treasure chest of dreams and maintaining a passion in possibility, makes Ryan Hoag one of the most Relevant people I have ever had the opportunity to sip coffee with. Look for him in the future playing on the field near you, as he embarks upon a new journey with a new team in the United Football League.

© A. L. Lewis